The Joys Of Sleep Deprivation

In the last days of pregnancy, everyone warns the mother-to-be to sleep now, while she still can. Of course, this is virtually impossible with all of the discomfort, heartburn, and late night bathroom visits associated with late pregnancy. Even with these warnings, I don't think anything can prepare prospective parents for the sudden depths of sleep deprivation that occur just after a baby is born. After four weeks of limited sleep, it no longer surprises me that sleep deprivation has been used around the world as a form of torture.

It seems to me that veteran parents typically forget the stress and strain of sleep deprivation. It's like the pain of childbirth -- if parents actually could remember how difficult it is, there would be a lot of only children out there. Then there are the "happily sleep deprived" parents, like 90210's Jason Priestley. While I think it's possible to be happy about your child's existence at the same time that you are sleep deprived, the term "happily sleep deprived" is too much of an oxymoron for me.

I have always been a heavy sleeper who performs best after nine or ten hours of sleep. I also have never been a good napper. These traits are not ideal for a new mother. In the first weeks of life, breastfeeding mothers are told to wake their babies every two to three hours to feed. They are also told to "sleep when the baby sleeps." While this is nice in theory, it is extremely difficult for confirmed non-nappers like me.

During the first week or so, my non-napper status meant that I did not sleep much at all, for I spent the time between feedings staring at Madeleine in her bassinet to make sure she was still breathing. For the uninitiated, newborns make the strangest noises - grunts, gurgles, heavy breathing, and sometimes, no breathing at all for a few seconds at a time. It's a little practical joke nature plays on first-time parents called "periodic breathing," wherein the baby will breathe audibly for a while and then will take a short break. With concerns about SIDS weighing heavily on the new parents' minds, it is enough to make any new mother scrap the notion of sleeping when the baby sleeps and invest in large quantities of No-Doz.

Nature's practical joke #2: Just as Don and I started to become better at sleeping with a newborn in our room, Madeleine developed a touch of colic. Well, perhaps "a touch" is a bit of an underestimation, the product of a new parent's rose-colored view of the world. Basically, Madeleine started to scream like a banshee between the hours of 9:30 p.m. and 1:30 a.m., with an occasional reprisal between 10:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. Theoretically, there are techniques that seem to soothe her, such as eating, rocking, bouncing, swinging, walking, singing, swaddling and shushing, all of which require one thing - active parent involvement. And so the sleep deprivation continued.

But things have gotten better in recent days. After several difficult "colicky" episodes, we decided to introduce Madeleine to her crib. Although I had heard horror stories about moving an infant from one sleeping locale to another, Madeleine has adjusted pretty well to her crib. In fact, she seemed to sleep much more soundly without her mother standing over her for half the night.

Around the same time, Don and I came to the sudden realization that we had not been putting Madeleine down for scheduled naps. It may seem obvious to some that a small child needs to nap every now and then, but Madeleine consistently fell asleep in our arms, on our laps, in her swing, or right next to us. It was really quite impressive:



As a result, it never occurred to us that sleeping in our presence might not make for the most restful sleep for our little one. So, it's been off to the crib for Madeleine, both day and night, and she has taken to it pretty well.

The final change we made was to try and establish a routine with Madeleine. A friend gave me the book "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer." While the title is cheesy and the writing style rather grating, the ideas really work. The author advocates having babies follow a routine consisting of eating, activity and sleep (in that order), allowing time for "you" when the baby is down for a nap. See, isn't that E.A.S.Y.? As I said, definitely corny, but it actually seems to work. The hours of screaming have diminished somewhat, and it is nice to have some structure to the day.

Now that our baby is better rested, her mother and father have started to get more sleep as well. In fact, I slept a full FIVE consecutive hours the other night. It was amazing. I have never felt so refreshed. With all of this additional rest comes extra energy, and we are finally starting to contemplate venturing out of the house with Madeleine. This weekend we may even go to the grocery store with her. First time at Publix! We'll have to bring the video camera...